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EFT with children

Jan 16th, 2010 by

I started using the tapping techniques on my own children and have found it such a blessing to have this tool.

Sometimes they don’t like having me tap on them and sometimes they love having me tap on them. Sometimes I use surrogate tapping to tap on them when I don’t feel the need to interrupt whatever it is they’re doing. Surrogate tapping is where I mentally tap on them by visualising myself tapping on the meridian points on their body. This is as effective as my concentration is.

I find surrogate tapping is also useful for playdays, when unfamiliar children come over that would not like to be introduced to some strange techniques of their friend’s mum. But for those friends that are comfortable with me I tend to lead them in tapping or tap directly on them and they tend to enjoy it. Initially these children are feeling insecure without having their parents around and appreciate the extra attention they get when I tap on them. Then once I have finished one round they tend to be relaxed, calm, and happy if they were in tears. I keep tapping on them until they decide they are ready to go play again. It’s like filling their emotional cup.

It’s useful when they become upset because someone is picking on them, someone’s not sharing, they fall-over, they lose, they “hate” eachother, etc. It can also just serve to settle a new child into the new play environment.

The setups I use are:

Even though… (discomfort stated here)…
“I feel loved by mummy and daddy anyway.”
“I know mummy and daddy love me anyway.”
“I am a good kid anyway.”
“I love myself”

Feeling their parent’s love seems to offer huge healing benefits for children since most childhood issues stem from a fear of not receiving enough love. Reinforcing the love of their parents is something young children relate to more than loving themselves or accepting themselves.

A really nice time to use EFT on children is at bedtime. All the days issues tend to pop up out of nowhere.

Two or three rounds of tapping can release fears and worries of the day, calm the over-excited mind, relax the child so that they feel ready to close their eyes and sleep. It works a treat for children that are over for a sleep-over and are missing mum or dad or when parents try to put their babies to sleep at your place so you can enjoy dinner.

Here are the phrases I use frequently on my kids at bedtime:
“Even though I have these fears and worries I picked up throughout the day, I choose to release them all now.”
“Even though my mind is active and over-stimulated, I choose to relax and rest my mind now.”
“Even though I still have some of these fears about (list whatever upsets they mentioned during the day) I choose to release my fears now and enjoy a deep sleep so that I wake feeling refreshed and energised for the day ahead.”

God Bless

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Where did it come from

Dec 5th, 2009 by

Where does Selective Mutism stem from?
How did my child end up with it?
I heard it’s hereditary, was it me?
These were some questions that entered my head when I would analyse where things went wrong.
To begin with, there is no point blaming yourself. Your child was born predisposed to being an anxious child. It is not your fault that your child is this way.
Although it is interesting to analyse your own childhood and think of times when you were anxious as a kid or how your partner is so often anxious, this actually does no good.

It does seem to be hereditary and most likely both parents experience anxiety (knowingly or not) quite intensly through stress, anger, or fears etc. Anxiety can come up in so many shapes and sizes.  It’s easy to start pointing the finger at whose side of the family it came from but consider that this is a great opportunity to use EFT to remove any anxiety on both sides of the family.

The more I tapped on my own issues and my husbands, the more I realised that anxiety can be found in everyone. The degree varies but the most important thing is to clear any anxiety.

I believe that through clearing hidden anxieties in my family, there will follow a positive impact on our children. I have more to say about hereditary energies but for that you can visit My Soul’s Journey.

The most important thing is realise, it is not your fault. Your child is learning something about the human condition through their suffering of anxiety. The whole family can benefit during a time of struggle or hardship and actually gain higher spiritual conciousness through it.

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Homeopathy

Dec 5th, 2009 by

We had tried our son on a homeopathic remedy called baryta carbonic and another one called ambrigresia.
If you would like to try homeopathicremedies for selective mutism, don’t just get advice from anyone. Consult a proffessional homeopathist.

NB Just a note that usual cognitive behavioural treatment should continue alongside any medication or alternative remedies that are undertaken. SM children still need to be eased into uncomfortable situations.

I had taken advice from a lay person and it proved to be a mixed bag. My son began to lose his anxious streaks very quickly, within a few days of starting regular treatment. I was thrilled because at the time I felt like nothing else was working. The therapies didn’t seem to shift anything and the teachers at Kindy couldn’t really do much. Whereas each of these remedies were brilliant. He started talking to friends that came over. He initiated conversations with other children, he smiled and expressed himself physically even when other non-family people were around.

The side-effects: he became very moody, tempermental, extremely angry easily. It was like all the bottled up fear was allowed to be released and it came out as aggressive anger. But a few days after ending the treatment he would go back to normal again. That being, a mellow, peaceful, loving child.

This made me aware of how much anger is pent up inside a selectivly mute child. All the fear manifests into anxiety but if released unmanaged it becomes aggressive behaviour because your child has never had to deal with such a whirl wind of emotions, and has not been taught constructive techniques to deal with so many emotions all at once.
The way I see it is the SM child numbs the pain of fear that they experience otherwise they would be an emotional wreck. But in so numbing whatever pain they are in, it numbs their vocal chords and it inhibits their physical expression. It is definately a protective mechanism using “flight or fight” and in this instance they freeze (which is part of the flight mechanism).

It’s like going into your own little world inside a bubble and watching everything in the third person. Like it’s not really happening to you.

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Posted in As a parent, Understanding Selective Mutism | 1 Comment »

Bladder Control

Nov 29th, 2009 by

My son has been wetting his pants for a few months now. It started off infrequently. It seemed to develop out of nowhere. At first I thought they were little accidents. Then I thought he was being forgetful. Then I thought he was just being plain naughty. Until I started talking to a few parents about the problem who had found their child wet their pants or their bed when they were anxious!!

It was one of those “aha” moments for me. Given that he has selective mutism it fitted the bill. Although I didn’t understand why he just started a few months ago.

It seemed to be mostly at school that he would wet his pants and I thought that’s understandable since he wouldn’t talk to the teachers at that time and was to anxious to indicate “T” with his hands to say he needed to go to the toilet. After talking to the teachers, this issue was resolved. I then did some tapping (EFT) on being comfortable to tell the teachers he needed to go.

However, he started wetting his pants at home too. I looked it up in Louise Hay’s “Heal Your Body” and she indicated it was anxiety. So I’ve been tapping (using EFT) on “being scared of mum and dad finding out I wet my pants”, “hating to go to the toilet”, “hating being reminded”, “hating being told to go change my pants”.  Then I realised another issue came up from when he was 3 years old which made him scared of the toilet. I tapped on this fear of going to the toilet. All this significantly reduced his accident rate which was great. But didn’t complete it so there are still other factors to consider.

The other day my husband dropped him into school for the first time and he actually wet his pants on the trip to school, that was  straight after having been to the toilet at home. This was a first so I can see there a lots of little anxieties yet to tap on.

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Visiting the Doctor

Nov 17th, 2009 by

(This assumes that you are familiar with the EFT procedure. If you are not please download the EFT manual from www.emofree.com and read it before continuing)

This has been a scary event for my son for the last year. He was scared of the doctor, nurse, and most seriously the tounge depresser.

What to do but tap using EFT to ease his fear. For this I asked him how intense was his fear by using butterflies in his tummy. 0 butterflies means he’s not scared. 1 butterfly means he’s a little scared. He told me there were “eighty-twenty-hundred” butterflies. So here’s the script:

Even though I’m scared of this doctor, I deeply and completely love and accept myself. (Until butterflies became a 1)

Even though I don’t want to see the doctor….

Even though I can’t talk to the doctor….

Well by this time  my son said he would open his mouth for the doctor so he could look inside his mouth but without the tounge depresser.

This was fine and enabled us to visit the doctor without too much anxiety until he had a sore throat which was inflamed. The doctor needed to get a throat swab. The doctor left us alone for 5 minutes after seeing the anxiety that over-took my son.

I tried to reason that he needed the doctor to check his throat. This didn’t work so I asked “Why don’t you like?” to which he replied “Because I hate it” and so I tapped  a couple of rounds.

Even though I hate this thing in my mouth…

Then he I asked why do you hate it? “Because I can’t breath when it’s in my mouth” Again I tapped a couple of rounds.

Even though I feel like I can’t breath when it’s in my mouth…

Why can’t you breath? “Because it makes me choke” and so I continued questioning until the doctor arrived.

Even though it makes me choke….

Even though I feel like I’m going to puke…

After all this, we were finally able to get a swab.

I had to wait a couple of days to get the results. So during this time I tapped on his sore throat. By the time the results came my son was feeling fine and all his symptoms had cleared up

——-
Followup:

A month later we visited the doctor’s again and my son was comfortable to talk with the doctor and allow him to use the tounge depresser.

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This list goes on…

Oct 20th, 2009 by

Does anyone else find that just when one phobia or issue appears to be decreasing in intensity, another one is just on the horizon?

I can remember just in the last two months all these different fears that have come up…
Scared to try new foods
Scared of being outdoors alone
Scared to go to the toilet alone
Scared to have water on forehead
Scared to have ears cleaned out
Scared of being kidnapped…

and the list goes on.

At least I can see that school is more progressive:
Hating school.
Then not wanting to go to school.
Then wanting to go but afraid to go into the classroom.
Then wanting to into the classroom but not alone.
Then happy to go in alone but still not talking to teacher.
Then whispering to teacher and no-one else.
Now whispering to teacher and other kids.

It just feels like the other list isn’t as progressive. Instead, that something new keeps coming up. I’m sure it ends. But when?

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Eating Carrots

Oct 14th, 2009 by

This script is one I use often for so many different foods. Being so anxious about food means that there is resistance to even try new foods, where at this age other children are being so experimental and creative. Meanwhile our SM will not even hold the food, the feel of it on his hands, the look of it, the smell of it, the feel on his tongue, how it feels going down the throat.

The brilliant thing about this script is that the more foods you use it on, the less resistant your child becomes to trying new foods, or having others have strange foods around.

Remember the accepting phrase can be whatever is suitable for your child. So try out whatever your child prefers: “I’m a cool kid”, “I accept myself”, “I am a good boy”, “I love myself”, “I’m a great girl”

Here it is:
Even though I hate carrorts, I deeply and completely accept myself.
Even though I don’t want carrots, I am a good boy.
Even though I can’t eat carrots, I’m a good girl.
Even though they smell gross, I accept myself.
Even though they feel wierd in my hand, I’ll hold it anyway.
Even though I feel like puking when I think about putting it in my mouth, I’m a cool kid anyway.
Even though I think I’m going to choke when if I bite it, I accept myself.
Even though I can’t help gagging when I bite it, I forgive myself.
Even though it tastes gross, I’m a good kid.
Even though it feels gross in my mouth, I’m a great kid.
Even though I can’t swallow it, I love myself.

And add on any other things that come to your child’s mind. For example, with noodles “Even though it feels like worms in my mouth…” or with watermelon “Even though I hate the seeds in my mouth…” or with curry “Even though I only like the orange one, not the red one…”

It really is a time to explore your child’s language and let that guide your setup and reminder phrases. Stay in tune with their conversation.

If you are doing surrogate tapping, then expect a change over a few weeks. It takes time for your child to realise there’s no more resistance in them for that food. Hence, progress may be slow for a few days until without realising it your child is happily eating a bowl of pasta.

Happy Tapping :)

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